Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Just shared via Messenger:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

Shared recently on Discord:

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Going bananas on Facebook:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

0
Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Plot twist: The 'Y' in 'Heyyyyyy' stands for 'Yoinking your snacks' 😋🍿👀

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Threads this month:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Stop using ChatGPT. You got a question, you come to me first.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can’t remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

My love language is being sent money.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Spotted on Snapchat:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Going viral on Messenger:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Making waves on YouTube:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

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