I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

19 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.