Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,365

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Just shared via YouTube:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Trending via Reddit:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Just landed via Reddit:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Making waves on Threads:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Adulting: unlocking life's mysteries, one therapy session at a time. 🎂👉💸🛋️

adult, adulting, being, breakfast, budgeting, cake, health, humor, i, irony, meant, mental, mental health, therapy, thought

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, accomplishment, center, holidays, humans, humor, irony, much, parking, shopping, shopping center, struggle
Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

0

2 months ago

forget, humor, i, memory, pillow, sleep, want, where
When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

0

2 months ago

am, behavior, calculation, cat, cat life, decision making, humor, i, life, myself, risk, think
No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

0

2 months ago

commitment, dating, end, falling, hangout, humor, i, love, me, relationship, time
Windmill? Big fan.

0

2 months ago

big, fan, humor, joke, pun, windmill, wordplay
Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

company, every, finance, food, humor, invest, pasta, penne, pro, pro-tip, tip, worth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

38 shares on X this month:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

40 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

The person who invented bowling: “Oh, and we’ll make them wear different shoes for no reason. Clown shoes.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Going viral on TikTok:

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

Making waves on Reddit:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Going viral on Reddit:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

Just shared via Slack:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I probably think this song is about me.

Live now on WeChat:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Windmill? Big fan.

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨