Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Just landed via Instagram:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Just shared via Threads:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Seen just now on Discord:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Just shared via Instagram:

If I were Noah, I’d bring three of every animal just to create some drama.

Shared recently on X:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Remember, if they're still poking, they're probably OK! 😆👵📱

activity, anyone, check, Facebook, family, humor, media, online, online activity, parents, please, social, social media, still, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

0

2 months ago

app, apps, digital, digital life, humor, i, life, media, need, number, phone, phones, privacy, social, social media, technology
Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

0

5 months ago

advice, avoid, break, couple, days, fun, news, pro, pro-tip, relaxation, tip
Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

0

2 months ago

1, away, call, country, home, laptop, left, ms, MS Teams, remote, remote work, say, second, Teams, technology, video, video call, work, work from home
Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

0

2 months ago

around, awkward, awkward question, bug, crawl, funny request, humor, i, over, playful, question, request
Donating blood today to make room for more food.

0

2 months ago

blood, diet, donating, food, health, humor, joke, room, sacrifice, today
The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, ever, humor, i, joke, just, marital, marital joke, marriage, only, person, phone, relationship, trying, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

You seem really unhinged, we should grab coffee sometime.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

I can resist everything except temptation.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

18 shares on X this month:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Spotted on WeChat:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Spotted on WeChat:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨