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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,579

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Breaking via Discord:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Spotted on X:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Just shared via Discord:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Just shared via Instagram:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

Live now on Pinterest:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, forget reality then – we're all just living in a simulation at this point! 🤷‍♂️🕹️ #2020vibes"

2019, after, being, humor, life, perception, real, reality, stopped, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

3 months ago

family, fun, humor, kids, listening, parenting, shoutout
Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

2 months ago

commuting, driver, driving, fault, front, frustration, guy, humor, impatience, jam, road, traffic, traffic jam
I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

2 months ago

animal, animal communication, back, barrier, cat, cats, communication, effort, English, humor, i, joke, just, language, language barrier, language joke, making, meowing, quirky, show, tried
Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

2 months ago

animal, blanket, cage, enough, humor, okay, over, put, sarcasm, seen, someone
My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

2 months ago

always, boyfriend, complain, humor, i, irony, never, relationship, serious, serious relationship, smile, wanted
Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

3 weeks ago

again, care, communication, dismissal, humor, i, indifference, me, mention, need, phrase, professional, professional phrase, sarcasm, say

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Slack this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

84 shares on Slack this month:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Trending via Facebook:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Spotted on TikTok:

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Shared recently on Twitch:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Spotted on Twitch:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Making waves on TikTok:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Spotted on Telegram:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨