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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve spent 80% of my adult life resetting my password.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,489

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

Just landed via Slack:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Spotted on Messenger:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Spotted on X:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Spotted on Discord:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

2 months ago

0

Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I mean, who doesn't love a good extended weekend? 🙌 Three-day weekends are like the appetizer of time off – just enough to whet your appetite for relaxation. And hey, if we can make it a regular thing, then four-day weekends can be the main course! 🍔🍟 Who needs a full work week when you can have more weekends, am I right? 😂 #WeekendWarrior"

ask, humor, i, leisure, request, rest, vacation, weekend, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

0

2 months ago

dieting, easily, frustration, humor, i, keys, lose, mind, phone, temper, weight, wish
What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

0

2 months ago

being, drunk, humor, intoxication, question, right, situation
“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

0

5 months ago

country, cultural, cultural difference, difference, humor, i, insufferability, know, observation, particular, people, person, poor, poor country, rich, rich person, social, social observation, type
Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

0

2 months ago

affinity, bin, both, care, comparison, dirty, exploring, humor, parenting, puppy, smelly, toddler, trash
Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

0

2 months ago

before, brain, chance, communication, humor, mistake, mouth, send, sometimes, stop, technology, texting
Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

0

2 months ago

breaking, dating, feelings, humor, irony, likes, longer, man, me, news, rejection, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Doomscrolling: because who doesn’t love anxiety as a hobby?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Trending via Instagram:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Making waves on Facebook:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Just landed via Messenger:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Going viral on Facebook:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Live now on Reddit:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

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