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Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

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Life begins when you can afford it.

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A wise man once said, โ€œBees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.โ€

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The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

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There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

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I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

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Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

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When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

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Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

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Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

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Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

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Who needs a fireplace when you have spicy punctuation keeping things toasty; ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ“š๐Ÿ˜

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