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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Just shared via Threads:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Spotted on Snapchat:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Going viral on Instagram:

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
I'm considering forming a union with my brain voices, but negotiations are proving difficult! 😂🧠✌️

excellent, head, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, point, sarcasm, self, self-talk, talk, voice, voices

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

0

4 days ago

drowning, humor, i, irony, missed, pool, suburban, swimming, swimming pool, tragedy, young, youth
I really can’t wait until it all works out.

0

5 months ago

anticipation, humor, i, optimism, patience, wait, waiting, works
The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

0

2 months ago

hear, humor, i, know, life, myself, say, silence, talking, theoretically, tragedy
Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

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2 months ago

chore, clothes, dryer, ever, feel, folding, household, household chore, just, laundry, procrastination, restart
I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

0

2 months ago

construction, day, historical, historical reference, humor, i, job, know, reference, Rome, sarcasm, wit
Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

0

2 months ago

corner, hatred, imagine, just, losing, me, religion, sitting, spotlight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

84 shares on Slack this month:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

25 shares on X this month:

I think it’s time I find myself a new inspiration, asking myself “what would Batman do?” gets me in too much trouble.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Just landed via Telegram:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Shared recently on Discord:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Trending via Reddit:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Shared recently on Discord:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Making waves on Reddit:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If he doesn’t like your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨