Commentary:
Guess I'm a dip-lomat managing multiple delicious territories! 🥳🥚🎉
My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.
Commentary:
Sounds like your Thanksgiving spirit animal is a socially awkward turkey! 🦃👻😂
I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.
Commentary:
God be like, "Time for your pockets to perform some miracles! 💸✨🙌"
Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.
Commentary:
That's one veteran that never saw any action! 🍌🪖
Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.
Commentary:
When you realize the elephant's been paying rent all along! 🐘🏠😄
Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.
Commentary:
When the subtitles start freelancing, even the movie gets confused! 🎬🧐😂
Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're getting top-secret intel from the neighborhood squirrels 🐿️🔍🌳
It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?
Commentary:
Beep beep! Who's out there? Are they on a secret mission to find 24-hour donuts? 🍩🚗💤
Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.
Commentary:
Looks like floppy disks nailed the whole saving concept even before the cloud did! 💾😇😂
Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.
Commentary:
Buckle up, we're taking the scenic route through Storyville! 🚗📜🤣