Commentary:
Unlocking new levels of vocabulary: the DIY furniture edition! 🛠️🤬🤯
Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.
Commentary:
Farting: the sneeze of the south with no blessing in sight! 💨😂
If the only person you’re competing with is yourself, how could you lose?
Commentary:
Looks like I'm undefeated… and also winless! 😅🏆🤷♂️
Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.
Commentary:
Balancing between candle-lit dinners for one and launching a space mission to find someone who likes quiet… 🚀🍷😂
Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.
Commentary:
Being single means more pizza for me and my couch! 🍕🛋️ #SingleByChoice #PizzaPal
At the club asking for Ibuprofen.
Commentary:
When the DJ drops the bass but all you drop is your back 💃🕺💊
Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.
Commentary:
Who knew that the secret to world peace was just to make everything gummy? 🤔🧸🍬
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.
Commentary:
Amazon drivers are basically family at this point! 🚚📦 Knock knock, just checking in on my favorite customers! 😂📞
Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.
Commentary:
Remembering when "Be kind, rewind" was the biggest stress in life 🎥🍿😂
Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.
Commentary:
Finally found the ultimate life hack: just disappear from the grid like a WiFi signal in the basement 😂📵✨