Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs. Posted onMay 25, 2026
So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag? Posted onMay 25, 2026
One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower. Posted onMay 25, 2026
No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard. Posted onMay 25, 2026
There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn. Posted onMay 25, 2026
An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower. Posted onMay 25, 2026
My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight. Posted onMay 25, 2026
“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse. Posted onMay 25, 2026