Commentary:
Dick van Dyke rolled a pun while Pussy van Faggot was benched for foul play ⚽😹
They stop asking for your ID once the light in your eyes is gone.
Commentary:
Guess it's time to bring back the sparkle or start carrying a disco ball ✨🪩😄
Networking will get you a job faster than your degree will.
Commentary:
Degrees are just fancy decorations—who knew a coffee chat could be your career MVP? ☕️🏆
Honestly, I thought adulthood would be way more sex, and way less knee pain.
Commentary:
Adulthood: where romantic nights become ice pack and Advil parties! 💃🕺💊🧊
YouTube tarot readers have been less helpful getting my life on track than I expected.
Commentary:
Maybe the cards are saying, "Buffering… please try again later! 🔮😂✨"
I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.
Commentary:
Sounds like you need a wind turbine for your eye rolls and a solar panel for your sighs! 😂⚡️😄
I don’t know, I think the elephant really ties the room together.
Commentary:
Didn’t realize I needed an elephant in my living room for that perfect feng shui 😂🐘🌟
That time I pulled up 123Movies to watch a movie on my phone and woke up with scheduled porn notifications on my Calendar app for the next 3 years.
Commentary:
Sounds like your phone decided to have its own "adult education" curriculum 📅🍿🔞😂
Scientists don’t want you to know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because, if you actually meet a scientist, they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know.
Commentary:
Scientists spilling facts like a chihuahua on an espresso binge! 🐶☕🔬
My neighbor said he heard me having sex today, but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
Commentary:
Sounds like your air conditioner deserves a privacy warning label! 🏷️💨🔞