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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Spotted on Slack:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Shared recently on Messenger:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Just landed via WeChat:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Making waves on Threads:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Making waves on Instagram:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Making waves on Discord:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about women leading men to trouble with a playful tone.

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Commentary:
When your special spot turns out to be a survival mission 🔥😅🚀

dating, hell, humor, i, know, relationship, spot, take, woman, women

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16 shares on Slack this month:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Making waves on Instagram:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Trending via Pinterest:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Making waves on Instagram:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Just landed via Instagram:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Breaking via TikTok:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Keep the laugh going 😂

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Why are poets thinking that they are the ones tortured and not those who read their poetry?

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨