Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes? Posted onMay 30, 2026
If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board. Posted onMay 30, 2026
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time? Posted onMay 30, 2026
An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply. Posted onMay 30, 2026
That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert. Posted onMay 30, 2026
What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job. Posted onMay 30, 2026