Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

“I’m at that stage of Christmas shopping where I start buying myself presents.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

Spotted on Instagram:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Live now on Twitch:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Going bananas on Slack:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Spotted on Messenger:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Trending via Pinterest:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Just shared via Messenger:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Just landed via Slack:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me. 🤦‍♂️💻 #SelfSabotageSecurity"

accounts, changing, humor, irony, me, password, passwords, security, self sabotage

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

0

2 months ago

advice, drugs, humor, illegal, illegal substance, personal, personal property, property, substance, take, warning
It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

0

2 months ago

always, cost, humor, money, therapist, therapy
Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

0

2 months ago

better, frustration, humor, idiot, idiots, irony, job, keep, making, proof, things, workplace
Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

0

6 months ago

book, Britannica, encyclopedia, humor, knowledge, laugh, never, offline, set, technology, want, wifi
Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

0

5 months ago

case, correction, grammar, humor, interest, just, know, language, peaked, piqued, spelling, usage, word, word usage
I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

0

6 months ago

disappointment, face, family, humor, irony, just, pretty, self-deprecating

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on X this month:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

52 shares on X this month:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

49 shares on X this month:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Trending via Instagram:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Going viral on X:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Just shared via TikTok:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Making waves on Discord:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Just landed via Instagram:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your parents are very disappointed in you.

Just landed via X:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Just in case you don’t know, it’s “piqued” your interest, not “peaked”.

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨