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Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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1780 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

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Just shared via WeChat:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Reported on Reddit:

They expect me to work at work.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

Just landed via TikTok:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Breaking via TikTok:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Just landed via TikTok:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Trending via Threads:

Oh good. Another day.

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

10 hours ago

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Commentary:
I call it psychic irritation, and I'm never wrong 😂🔮😤

annoyance, anticipation, emotion, ever, frustration, humor, know, pre-annoyed, sarcasm, someone

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Going viral on WeChat:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Making waves on X:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Spotted on Pinterest:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Going viral on Threads:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Just landed via Discord:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

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Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

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Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

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