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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Spotted on Pinterest:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Shared recently on X:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Spotted on Telegram:

Do you think Yoda says “7-6” instead?

Breaking via Reddit:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Just landed via Instagram:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Just shared via X:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Witty quote about enjoying quiet weekends with a playful, humorous vibe.
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Commentary:
Ah, the sweet sound of silence—it's like a spa day for the ears! 🧖‍♀️🤫🎧

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

In banana years, I am bread.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing I’ve seen as a paramedic is my paycheck.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,294

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Just shared via TikTok:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Making waves on Threads:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Spotted on Twitch:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Spotted on Reddit:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Spotted on Twitch:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Going viral on Slack:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

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