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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,941

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Spotted on YouTube:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Going viral on TikTok:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Just landed via WeChat:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

6 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the sweet sound of silence—it's like a spa day for the ears! 🧖‍♀️🤫🎧

communication, everyone, humor, little, relationship, sarcasm, silent, silent treatment, treatment, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

1 month ago

aging, beauty, Botox, braces, forget, humor, look younger, self-improvement, want, younger
What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

1 month ago

absurdity, AirPods, battery, ear, ears, humor, inside, licking, low, technology, tongue
She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

5 months ago

before, breakfast, cereal, humor, meant, milk, mistake, morning, morning routine, relationship, routine
By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

1 month ago

back, communication, disrespect, disrespectful, even, humor, i, media, procrastination, remember, social, social media, text, texting, time, too
The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

1 month ago

comparison, Ella, food, funny comparison, humor, joke, mozzarella, name, short, wordplay
I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

2 months ago

am, ban, books, borrow, calling, humor, i, irony, library, lost, need, public, reading

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Breaking via Reddit:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Spotted on Instagram:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

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Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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