154 funny anything quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

May 26, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

May 26, 2026

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

May 25, 2026

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

May 25, 2026

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

May 25, 2026

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

May 25, 2026

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

May 25, 2026

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

May 25, 2026

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

May 24, 2026

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

May 24, 2026

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

May 24, 2026

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

May 24, 2026

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

May 24, 2026

I’m going spiraling, do you need anything?

May 24, 2026

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

May 24, 2026

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

May 24, 2026

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

May 24, 2026

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

May 24, 2026

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

May 24, 2026

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

May 24, 2026

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

May 24, 2026

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

May 24, 2026

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

May 24, 2026

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

May 24, 2026

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

May 24, 2026

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

May 23, 2026

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

May 23, 2026

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

May 23, 2026

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

May 23, 2026

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

May 23, 2026

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

May 23, 2026

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

May 23, 2026

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

May 23, 2026

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

May 23, 2026

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

May 23, 2026

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

May 23, 2026

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

May 23, 2026

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

May 23, 2026

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

May 22, 2026

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

May 22, 2026