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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Being an iPad baby must be so exciting. Imagine going from nine dull months in the womb to playing Candy Crush.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Just shared via Instagram:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Shared recently on Slack:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Making waves on Twitch:

No one buys my theory that red fire hydrants are filled with ketchup and yellow fire hydrants are filled with mustard.

Spotted on TikTok:

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Live now on TikTok:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Making waves on YouTube:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

17 Funny demon quotes

More funny demon quotes 👇

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

1 month ago

creativity, demon, demonade, demons, fight, humor, personal, positivity, refreshing, self-help
As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

1 month ago

demon, exorcist, hear, humor, i, joke, Ka-Ching, money, new, paranormal, poor, possession, soul, spirituality, think, whenever
Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

1 month ago

comedy, demon, exorcism, funny situation, having, humor, only, request, situation, supernatural
My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

1 month ago

age, ages, belief, context, demon, humor, middle, middle age, people, possession, reaction, reason, sneeze
If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

1 month ago

attitude, back, demon, ever, humor, ID, just, me, possessed, possession, problem, sarcasm, say, sit, wit
Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

1 month ago

actually, astrology, demon, frustration, humor, Mercury, Mercury retrograde, midnight, retrograde, soul, wrap
Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

2 months ago

behind, checking, demon, funny observation, healthy, humor, looks, observation, only, reflection, scary, selfie, surprise

For even more funny demon quotes, hit next 👇

All funny demon quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I like people who make eye contact like they know something I don’t.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

This too shall pass, but what the hell?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Live now on Pinterest:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Shared recently on TikTok:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Just shared via Facebook:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Spotted on Twitch:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Activity Log ✨

17 Funny demon quotes

More funny demon quotes 👇

All funny demon quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨