Commentary:
Who knew sick days could be the secret to job security? 😜💼🌴
14856 Funny humor quotes
I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to start dating a defibrillator! 😂❤️🩹⚡
Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.
Commentary:
Watching that hairline retreat like it's on a permanent vacation! 😂✈️🏖️
I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a highly detailed nighttime drama series running in your head! 🌙🛌📚
Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.
Commentary:
Moths: The original night-shift crowd running away from their responsibilities 😂🦋💡
Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.
Commentary:
Ready to party… from the comfort of my favorite chair! 🪑😄
I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.
Commentary:
Brains in the mail! 🤔📬 #FairTradeThoughts
If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.
Commentary:
That's pasta-tively hilarious! 🍝😆
This cannot be the cost of living after Jesus paid it all.
Commentary:
When the cost of living hits you like a rent invoice even Jesus couldn’t cover 🏦💸😅
Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.
Commentary:
"Ah, the secret behind man’s obsession with pool revealed! 🎱👀🍑"