Commentary:
Finally, a list on my phone I actually want to read 📱😂 #EpsteinAlbum
14856 Funny humor quotes
I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.
Commentary:
Suddenly chillier than a penguin's picnic—watch your back! 🐧❄️😜
Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.
Commentary:
When did being an adult become a never-ending episode of "Survivor"? 🌞😴🤦♂️
If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.
Commentary:
Who knew doors needed manners? 🚪🙄🤷♂️
I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.
Commentary:
Looks like my motivation missed the memo! 🤔🚫🤣
Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.
Commentary:
Sounds like being in a relationship is just a series of "I'm sorry for napping" marathons! 😴🏃♂️🌀
My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.
Commentary:
When my phone rings, it's either a scammer or my toaster is finally asking for relationship advice! 📞🤖🍞
“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.
Commentary:
Living that "dine in designer" lifestyle! 😎🍔👗
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.
Commentary:
Sending snacks and a rescue team… or maybe I'll just join you! 🍿🛋️😅
I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.
Commentary:
Massive disappointment? Nah, you're just setting records in the "surprise achievement" category! 🏆😂👑