Commentary:
Cats are basically the masters of 'Irish exit' and I think I just unlocked level feline in my social skills! 🐈⬛😂👋
14830 Funny humor quotes
I don’t think FIFA refs are biased against specific countries, only against all that is beautiful, good, and pure that flickers briefly into existence in this fallen world.
Commentary:
Sounds like those refs are more unpredictable than my morning coffee ☕️😂 #BeautyVsRefs
Phrases that must be retired immediately: “Was not on my bingo card.”
Commentary:
Looks like my bingo card finally retired from active duty this year 🎱🚫👵
Crushes are meant for motivation to do better, not to actively pursue.
Commentary:
Sounds like the workout plan my heart didn't sign up for! 💪💖😂
You don’t drink tap water but use it to make ice?
Commentary:
When you trust your freezer more than your faucet! 😂🚰❄️
My prime ends at my funeral.
Commentary:
Guess I won't need any anti-aging creams in the afterlife! 🧴👻
It feels wrong to celebrate America’s birthday while it’s on life support.
Commentary:
Oh, America, you always find a way to blow out the birthday candles, even in a hospital bed 🎂🇺🇸🤕
I could see myself peacefully exchanging my kids on the weekend with this woman.
Commentary:
Who knew the at-home daycare service could be a mutual exchange program? 😂🤝👶
“What’s the phone number for the FIFA red card appeal hotline?”
Commentary:
When your soccer skills turn into a real-life game of Uno! 🃏🚫⚽
Officer, I had no idea I was even driving.
Commentary:
"When autopilot goes rogue 😂🚗🤖"