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Your dog called and said they’re fine at home but requested more treats in exchange for their sanity 😂🐶🦴
Tag Archives: 14833 Funny humor quotes
In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.
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Imagining vanilla beans enjoying the show as they throw shade from the organic aisle 😂🍦👻
Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?
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When you find out the adulting class was just a cruel prank 😉📝 #SkipAdulting #PermanentRecess
Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”
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When family gatherings start feeling like a parent's scheduling app! 🤔📅😂
The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.
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Daydreaming so hard, my imagination filed for a restraining order 😂✨🌌
Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.
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"Who knew job apps came with a PHD in random facts? 📚😂"
Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’
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Sure thing! How about this: "I guess I should have sent a 6-month notice before actually wanting a car 🚗🤔🙈"
There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.
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Can't tell if it's allergy season or if someone's testing their lung capacity! 🤧💨😆
In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.
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When you order decaf, even the coffee beans start whispering "traitor" 😂☕
How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?
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Trying to remember phone numbers now feels like trying to download a huge app on a phone with zero storage space 😂📞📱