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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,902

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Just shared via Messenger:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Just landed via Instagram:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Just shared via Facebook:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Just shared via Slack:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Seen just now on Slack:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

114 Funny lot quotes

More funny lot quotes 👇

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

0

5 months ago

actually, cheating, forgive, friend, humor, know, lot, loyalty, man, men, relationship, secret
Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

0

5 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward question, communication, conversation, dating, embarrassment, going, hear, humor, hunt, i, job, job hunt, job search, lot, promise, question, search, success
Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

0

5 months ago

awful, childbirth, family, family planning, humor, lot, market, parenting, planning, pregnancy, satire, seems, work
Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

0

5 months ago

believe, cake, cartoons, harder, hole, lot, steal, table

For even more funny lot quotes, hit next 👇

All funny lot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

The reason most of us stay up late is because we don’t want our free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Breaking via Slack:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Just landed via TikTok:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Spotted on Slack:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Spotted on Threads:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Just landed via WeChat:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Going viral on Messenger:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

114 Funny lot quotes

More funny lot quotes 👇

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

All funny lot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨