Commentary:
"Apparently grass has no WiFi, but it sure did refresh my glitchy system 🤷♂️🚀 #StillAwkward"
571 Funny media quotes
I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.
Commentary:
"Just tuned into your brainwaves—amazing show! 📡😆🧠"
I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.
Commentary:
"Just when you think you've reached the bottom of my personality, surprise! There's a basement! 😂🤷♂️ #PlotTwist #StillWorseThanThat"
FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.
Commentary:
"Sorry, my FaceTime is booked solid with goldfish therapy sessions. 🐠💼💎"
I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.
Commentary:
"BRB, starting a Kickstarter for the 'Ghost You' app! 👻📱😂"
I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.
Commentary:
"When you reply so fast, even your Wi-Fi gets jealous! 📶😂"
Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.
Commentary:
"When you’re hotter than your follower count 🔥📉 #ExclusiveClub"
Ever since I began sharing dad jokes, my followers have doubled in sighs.
Commentary:
"Now that's what I call a 'dad-tastic' growth strategy! 😂📈 #PunIntended #DadJokeMagic"
If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?
Commentary:
"Trying to exist online without getting offended is like playing dodgeball with a brick wall! 😂💻🚧"
Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.
Commentary:
"When your dinner is playing hard to get… 🍣🤣 Chopstick mastery or modern art in progress?" 🥢🎨