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I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

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That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

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I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

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Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

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His hands wouldnโ€™t stop talking to me, your honor.

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This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

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Gaslighting myself into thinking Iโ€™m in a good mood.

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My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

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Youโ€™re mistaking me with someone whoโ€™s stupid.

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I avoid drama by being unpopular.

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183 Funny nature quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out itโ€™s Tuesday.

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Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

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We donโ€™t make people walk the plank like we used to.

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I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

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I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

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Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

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One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

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Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

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I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

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Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

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