Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

39 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Spotted on Threads:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Trending via Instagram:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Making waves on Discord:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Seen just now on Threads:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Home » Funny New Job Quotes

Funny new job quotes

New funny new job quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Commentary:
Interviewer: "What did you learn from your previous job?"
Me: "That I need a new job."

🤣 Looks like the previous job was a crash course in job hunting! 🏹 Good thing this candidate is quick on their feet! #JobHuntingChampion
6 months ago
Share →: My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Commentary:
Oh no, the dreaded office birthday celebrations strikes again! 🎉 Looks like it's time to update the resume and start job-hunting for a workplace that won't throw surprise parties. 🎂 Who knew a cake could cause such chaos? 🍰 #OfficeDrama

For even more funny new job quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny new job quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

39 minutes ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Trending via Snapchat:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Going viral on Reddit:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Going viral on YouTube:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴