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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

813 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,975

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,975

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Slack:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Spotted on Twitch:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Going viral on Facebook:

Everyone’s a gangster until they turn a spoon the wrong way under running water.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Breaking via Slack:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Live now on Snapchat:

The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes.

Breaking via Reddit:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

813 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,975

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,975

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Pinterest:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Reported on LinkedIn:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Freshly posted on X:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Breaking via Messenger:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Spotted on TikTok:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Reported on Facebook:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

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