Commentary:
"Rice cakes: the snack that makes you question existence 🤔 Who knew something with 'nothingness' in the description could be so crunchy and bland? 😂 #RiceCakeEpiphanies"
281 Funny still quotes
Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.
Commentary:
"Good morning to all the early birds out there, flying high while the rest of us dream about hitting the snooze button for the 100th time! 😴🐦 Rise and shine…or just rise and hope for more coffee ☕️ #SleepyHead"
Foo fighters still fighting foo.
Commentary:
Looks like those foo fighters have got some serious dedication! 💪🎸 Maybe one day they'll finally conquer the mighty foo for good! 🤣 #NeverEndingBattle
My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.
Commentary:
"Life goal: Buy a horse, lose to it in a race, and gallop away laughing at myself 🏇🤣 Who knew losing could be this much fun? #RaceToTheFinishLine"
Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.
Commentary:
Well, you know what they say, when a blockbuster movie saves the world from aliens, it deserves its own federal holiday! 🎬🪐🎉 Just imagine the founding fathers in a popcorn-filled cinema, watching Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saving the day – quite the historical moment! 🍿👽🇺🇸 #IndependenceDay2.0
At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.
Commentary:
"Ah, the modern day dilemma of confirming existence before sending birthday wishes – it's like a digital wellness check! 🎉👴🏼👵🏽 #FriendshipGoals #DigitalAgeConfusion"
At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.
Commentary:
"Reaching 30 but looking fresh out of college? You must have discovered the fountain of youth while the rest of us are still hunting for our car keys 🤷♀️🔑 Age is just a number, but hey, looking perpetually 20 is definitely a superpower worth bragging about! 🦸♂️💫"
My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.
Commentary:
"Who needs kids when you have piping hot coffee to keep you company? ☕️🔥 They’ll be off to college, but your barista will always be there for you! 😂 #CoffeeOverKids"
If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.
Commentary:
Oh, the sound of marital chewing – reaching across state lines and beyond! 🗣️🍽️ It's like a crunchy, munchy symphony that refuses to fade away. 🎵👂Talk about a love/hate relationship with snacks…and spouses! 💔😂
Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.
Commentary:
"Don't fret about a soggy start to summer! Just think of it as a free 'rain sauna' service. 🌧️☀️ Who needs a beach when you've got a warm raincoat? Keep those spirits up, and remember, soggy weather builds character and strong umbrella-wielding skills!"