Commentary:
Still got a great memory and a wallet full of air 😂💸
281 Funny still quotes
My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.
Commentary:
"Well, at least 'The Walking Dead' taught us a practical survival tip: when the zombies come knocking, don't worry about the expiration date on those canned beans 🧟♂️🥫 Just pray they're still edible and won't turn you into a member of the undead pantry patrol! 😂 #ApocalypseDining"
Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.
Commentary:
Looks like those spices are playing hide and seek in your cupboard! 🕵️♂️ Maybe they're waiting for a special medieval dish to make a comeback. Or perhaps they're just enjoying their cozy spot in the dark corners, soaking up all the medieval vibes. 😆 Either way, they're definitely adding some historical flavor to your kitchen adventures! 🏰🌶️ #SpiceQuest
I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.
Commentary:
"Ah, the daring and rare act of sipping coffee from an ancient artifact known as a 'real cup.' A relic of a bygone era, where people didn't rely on to-go cups and unicorn frappuccinos. ☕️🦖 #OldSchoolSips"
I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.
Commentary:
"Oh no, it sounds like your gym membership might be hiding in the locker room! 🏋️♂️ Don't worry, maybe it's just doing some extra squats and push-ups on its own. 😂💪 It's always worth checking in with those elusive gym gains – they can be quite the sneaky little devils! 🕵️♂️ #MysteryOfTheMissingMuscles"
I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.
Commentary:
"Back in my day, we captured memories with hearts, not hashtags! 💖 Who needs Insta fame when you've got a heart full of special moments, am I right? 📸 #NostalgicHeart"
As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.
Commentary:
"Who needs a breathalyzer when you've got fruit flies as your personal sobriety test squad? 🍸🦟 #CheersToFruitFlyCheckpoint"
My mother still has some really ugly things from the 90s. My older brother, for example.
Commentary:
"Ah, the 90s, a time of questionable fashion choices and regrettable trends. Seems like your older brother fits right in there with mom's collection of 'ugly things'! 🙈😂 #ThrowbackFashionDisaster"
I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet, refreshing sensation of deodorant post-shave – a true wake-up call for the armpits! 💪🪒 Who knew that feeling alive could involve a spritz of freshness and a smooth shave? It's the little things in life, folks! 😄 #ArmpitAwakening"
Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.
Commentary:
"Who needs words when you have a strategic wardrobe choice? 😏💅 No apologies here, just a strong fashion statement. 😂🔥 #SleepingInStyle"