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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1957 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,119

Funny Quotes Topics

14,889

Funny Quotes Images

12,119

1 minute ago

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Live now on X:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Breaking via Reddit:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Going viral on Telegram:

I need to eat healthier but donuts exist.

Making waves on WeChat:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Spotted on WeChat:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Home » Funny Timer Quotes

Funny timer quotes

Funny timer quotes ⏰😂 are the perfect way to add a sprinkle of humor to those ticking moments! Whether you’re racing against the clock or just procrastinating with style, these witty lines will make every second count with a smile. Ready to laugh your way through deadlines and countdowns? Let’s dive into some hilarious takes on time that’ll have you giggling before the buzzer sounds! 🎉⌛🤣

New funny timer quotes 👇

7 hours ago
Share →: Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Commentary:
Microwave: the only machine that tries harder to get your attention than a toddler with a drum set! 🍽️🔊😅
2 weeks ago
Share →: Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

Commentary:
When life gives you existential dread, just remember it's all a yolk! 🕰️🥚😂
6 months ago
Share →: You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Commentary:
"Who knew cooking brown rice required a schedule 📆 while eggs just need a quick timer ⏲️? Brown rice be like 'Hold on, let me check my calendar before I get all chewy and clumpy!' 🍚🤣 #KitchenConundrums"

For even more funny timer quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny timer quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1957 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,119

Funny Quotes Topics

14,889

Funny Quotes Images

12,119

1 minute ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I need a button in Zoom meetings where it just freezes my screen and makes it look like I’m having network issues.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

The worst part about working from home is that your real husband is also your work husband.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Shared recently on Discord:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Just landed via YouTube:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Spotted on Reddit:

I used to have this mental illness where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Trending via WeChat:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Just landed via Reddit:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Just shared via Twitch:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

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