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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Making waves on WeChat:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Going viral on Twitch:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Just landed via Facebook:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Just landed via Telegram:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Going viral on Reddit:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Going viral on Slack:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the best thirst trap poster of them all?

Spotted on WeChat:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Funny tweeting quotes

Funny tweeting quotes 🐦😂 bring a burst of laughter to your feed, turning everyday moments into shareable smiles! Whether you’re scrolling through endless tweets or crafting your own witty lines, these gems add just the right sprinkle of humor 🌟💬. Ready to brighten your timeline and lighten your mood? Let’s dive into the world where words meet wit and chuckles are guaranteed! 🎉📲

New funny tweeting quotes 👇

All funny tweeting quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on X this month:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

11 shares on X this month:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

No more fun facts. I want to know what your last nightmare was about.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and I managed to come home without any junk food. Now, I’m mad that we don’t have any junk food.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Trending via X:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Breaking via Slack:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Just shared via YouTube:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Trending via Pinterest:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Spotted on Discord:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

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