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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

[monthly_post_count]

Funny Quotes Total

14,549

Funny Quotes Topics

16,781

Funny Quotes Images

14,549

Updated

Nov 27, 2025

Users Online

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Going viral on X:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Live now on Discord:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Just landed via Threads:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Going bananas on X:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Trending via Facebook:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Gorgeous vibes detected! Stand back, I'm blinding in beauty level 1000! 😎✨💅

call, compliment, confidence, flirtation, gorgeous, humor, me, nerve, pretty, self-esteem

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Why is 4-8 p.m. on a Sunday the most depressing time ever?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Broadcasted on Slack:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Spotted on Threads:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Just shared via TikTok:

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

Breaking via Messenger:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Going viral on Instagram:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

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He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

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