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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

Iโ€™m not worried about WWIII. Iโ€™ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Trending via Messenger:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Just landed via Reddit:

I donโ€™t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Just shared via WeChat:

โ€œStop thinking about it.โ€ Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Seen just now on Instagram:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My dream car is a taco truck.

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Playful quote about the joy of finally relaxing in bed, full of humor and excitement.
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Commentary:
Finally laying down is the ultimate adventureโ€”no passport required! ๐Ÿ›Œ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars โญ

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

24 shares on TikTok this month:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didnโ€™t need.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Second day without coffee. I can no longer hear out of my left eye.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I was young I fixed my parentsโ€™ computer and now that Iโ€™m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I donโ€™t have any patience because it takes too long.

18 shares on X this month:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, Iโ€™m changing the subject by announcing Iโ€™m pregnant.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Not now, kitten. Mommyโ€™s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: โ€œTheyโ€™re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.โ€

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

November doesn’t have afternoons. It’s just morning until 2 p.m., then night.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,454

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has viewed:

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Itโ€™s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Self-esteemโ€™s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on WeChat:

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Just landed via Messenger:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Breaking via Messenger:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

Breaking via Twitch:

Every day, Iโ€™m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Breaking via Reddit:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Just shared via X:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Just landed via TikTok:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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