Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,486

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Trending via Facebook:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Seen just now on X:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Spotted on Threads:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

Just landed via Reddit:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Making waves on Instagram:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ants exploring your kitchen: Gourmet adventures at crumb cuisine 🍞🚶‍♂️

ant, cleaning, crumb, crumbs, discovery, earlier, forgot, humor, i, just, kitchen, moaning, pest, pleasure, surprise, sweep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

2 months ago

cake, carrot, cooking, dessert, eat, eating, food, healthy, healthy eating, humor, i, irony, later, need, vegetable, vegetables
I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

2 months ago

anything, cover, cover letter, effort, except, humor, job, job search, letter, procrastination, search, willingness
People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

2 months ago

conversation, humor, i, intelligence, intelligent, irony, least, myself, others, people, self, self-talk, talk, tell, wit
Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

2 months ago

couch, curiosity, Google, Googling, hate, humor, imagine, just, knee, knees, laziness, me, penguin, sitting
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

4 months ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman
I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

2 months ago

absolutely, answer, anything, communication, except, friends, friendship, humor, i, interaction, loyalty, message, messages, procrastination, social, social interaction, text, text message

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on X this month:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

98 shares on X this month:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

38 shares on Slack this month:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Making waves on Messenger:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Spotted on Threads:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Just shared via TikTok:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Just shared via Reddit:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨