I march to the beat of my own dumb.

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I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

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Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

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I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

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Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

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Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

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When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

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I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

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You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

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I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.