Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.
  • I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.
  • You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.
  • I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.
  • Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.
  • Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.