Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Trending via Messenger:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Whoever told you there’s no such thing as a stupid question lied.

Just landed via Threads:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Spotted on Instagram:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Going viral on TikTok:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Just shared via YouTube:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Getting older is just a fun game of 'Will this pillow kill my neck today?' 😂😴🛏️

age, bed, couple, days, discomfort, injured, injury, me, recovery, sleep, uncomfortable, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love having plans to cancel.

0

5 months ago

cancel, cancellation, having, humor, i, introvert, life, love, plan, plans, social, social life
Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bathroom break, break, company, company time, humor, office, office supply, procrastination, steal, supply, take, theft, time, why, work, work humor, workplace, workplace humor
I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, early, humor, i, irony, just, learning, outcome, professional, sarcasm, say, told, workplace
Most earthquakes could have been an email.

0

2 months ago

communication, earthquake, earthquakes, efficiency, email, humor, sarcasm, technology, work
No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

0

2 months ago

drink, humor, know, peace, pun, relaxation, wine, wordplay
The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

0

2 months ago

biome, bog-emerge, concept, doing, drive by, exist, humor, joke, people, rap, satire, swamp

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Threads this month:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

44 shares on Discord this month:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

27 shares on Instagram this month:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Making waves on Slack:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Just shared via WeChat:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Spotted on Slack:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Trending via Snapchat:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Trending via Discord:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I love having plans to cancel.

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨