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Just call me the Sandwich Connoisseur in my unattainable denim! 🥪👖 Who needs standard sandwiches and easily pronounced jeans? I'm living in a world of epicurean delights and fashion mysteries! 😄 #SandwichGoals #FashionEnigma

culture, eating, fashion, food, humor, jeans, pronounce, sandwich, style, trendy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

2 months ago
fruit, gardening, humor, irony, logic, plant, question, seeds, watermelon
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

5 months ago
advice, being, brake, car, driver, driving, gas, gently, good, humor, i, know, little, put, skill, using
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

1 month ago
ancestors, cat, Christmas, Christmas sweater, clothing, Earth, extinction, five, holiday, house, house cat, humor, i, irony, killed, mass, mass extinction, me, pets, put, survival, sweater, trying
Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

1 month ago
cartoons, else, entertainment, humor, husband, kids, lesson, lessons, looney, Looney Tunes, moral, moral lesson, nothing, only, parenting, said, tunes, wants, watch
“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

1 month ago
confusion, consciousness, existential, experience, good, humor, i, primate, turn, well
When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

1 month ago
Beatles, humor, interpretation, lyric, lyric interpretation, me, music, over, right, say, song, song lyric, The Beatles, together, why

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

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First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

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I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

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Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

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Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

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Just another day of not being hot and rich.

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When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Live now on Reddit:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Seen just now on Slack:

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

Trending via Messenger:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

I think my type is a nice person.

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

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I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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