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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,701

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Making waves on X:

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Seen just now on WeChat:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Spotted on Slack:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Just landed via Instagram:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Broadcasted on X:

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

I’m here by unpopular demand.

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I’m here by unpopular demand.
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Commentary:
🎤 "Well, well, looks like someone is here by unpopular demand! 🙈 Let's give a round of applause for being everyone's least favorite party guest! 😂 Who needs popularity anyway when you've got sarcasm and self-deprecation on your side, am I right? 😜 Keep shining bright like the lone star you are, my friend! ✨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Snapchat this month:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

31 shares on Slack this month:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

57 shares on Slack this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

30 shares on TikTok this month:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

“Can you multitask?” Yes, actually I am losing my mind and chilling at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Just shared via Instagram:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Making waves on Slack:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Going bananas on Reddit:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Just landed via Messenger:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Breaking via Facebook:

I bought my antidepressants off of Temu and now I glow in the dark.

Spotted on Discord:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

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