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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It’s dead yarn now though.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Making waves on Slack:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Just shared via YouTube:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Going viral on Twitch:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Seen just now on X:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Just landed via Messenger:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

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I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.
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Commentary:
"When I see a white screen, I reach for sunglasses like a vampire at sunrise. 🧛‍♂️🕶️ #DarkModeAddict"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Twitch this month:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

95 shares on Snapchat this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Sometimes happiness is just having a good night’s sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Seen just now on Telegram:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

Seen just now on Messenger:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Going bananas on Discord:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Seen just now on Discord:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Just shared via WeChat:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Live now on Instagram:

No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

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