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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has viewed:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has viewed:

Sorry for the things I said when the internet was down for 10 minutes.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has shared:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has downloaded:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has copied:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡± has copied:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has viewed:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,010

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Trending via Instagram:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Going viral on Telegram:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Shared recently on Threads:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Shared recently on Twitch:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Making waves on Threads:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Going viral on Twitch:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

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My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.
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Commentary:
🚩 Who needs playlists when you can have the musical equivalent of a surprise party every time you hit shuffle? πŸŽΆπŸ€·β€β™‚οΈπŸŽ‰

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Telegram this month:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

47 shares on Threads this month:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

54 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They’re making me get out of bed.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,613

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ή has copied:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has copied:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has copied:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Apparently, telling your friends not to stress about their wedding because β€œit’s your first marriage” is not the right thing to say.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has copied:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has shared:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Slack:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Breaking via Reddit:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Making waves on X:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Live now on Threads:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Just landed via Reddit:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Just landed via Instagram:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

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