No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

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Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

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Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

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My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

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Oh good. Another day.

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You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

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I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

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If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

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The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

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I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.