Commentary:
When your social skills are at 2% but your volume's at 100% 🎤🔊😄
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
Commentary:
Sounds like the thermometer and my brain are in perfect synch! 🥶🧠
You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.
Commentary:
I guess that makes me fashionably late—time definitely lost my RSVP! ⏳😂
I only squeak when I’m squoken to.
Commentary:
Squeak to me, and I might respond… if I'm not feeling too mouse-y! 🐭👂😄
Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
Commentary:
When even darkness is taken, it's time to work on your glow-up! 🌟😂
My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.
Commentary:
Just found out my good luck is courtesy of a tiny prayer powerhouse! Sending gratitude and a lifetime supply of cookie dough 🍀🙏🍪
I used to question authority, but now I question everything.
Commentary:
Now I spend half my day trying to figure out if my dog is secretly plotting to take over the living room throne 🐶🛋️🤔
Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.
Commentary:
"Ah, the thrill of pyjama parties with my pillow! 🎉😴"
Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?
Commentary:
Sure, just throw the ingredients in a pan, and give them a stir—voilà, you're a master chef! 🥢🥦🔥
A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.
Commentary:
Never knew adulthood meant earning a PhD in kitchenology! 🧼🍽️🔄