August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating. Posted onMay 19, 2026
It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like Iโm not being listened to when Iโm talking. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, โHave you considered educating people who arenโt rich?โ Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen. Posted onMay 19, 2026
You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Got a job rejection, saw the company post the same job again, so I applied again. I decide when we’re done. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate. Posted onMay 19, 2026
People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mแบน. Posted onMay 19, 2026
No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting. Posted onMay 19, 2026