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When Mother Nature was sculpting, she really hit 'bottom' with a masterpiece! 🍑😂🌲💦
One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).
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When you realize you're both the tornado and the calm after it 🌪️😂
Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.
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Sounds like the mosquitoes swiped right on me 😅🦟 #UnmatchedBuzzing
I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.
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Dropping it is the easy part—retrieving it? That's where the real workout happens! 😂🙌🔥
I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.
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Sounds like you're mastering the art of "Long-term Chaos Management" 😂🔧📅
I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.
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Your sarcasm detector is either broken or set on stealth mode 😜🔍
I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.
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When good times turn into "surprise, you're broke!" 😅💸
You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.
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That third person learned the true meaning of "odd one out" 😅📸
I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.
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Feeling rebellious in my kitchen adventures! 🚀🌀 #DishwasherDaredevil
If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.
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Keith Richards is the ultimate survival guide! 💀🚬 If he can conquer the Marlboro marathon, we can handle a traffic jam. Let's rock on! 🎸😎