A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days. Posted onMay 19, 2026
When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right. Posted onMay 19, 2026
It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun. Posted onMay 19, 2026May 19, 2026
Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’ Posted onMay 19, 2026
My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food. Posted onMay 19, 2026
August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating. Posted onMay 19, 2026
It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore. Posted onMay 19, 2026