Commentary:
Why deal with columns and rows when eternal repose could be the ultimate spreadsheet escape plan? 😅🧮⚰️
Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect recipe for a romantic comedy 🍿😂 Just make sure to add a lot of plot twists and maybe a "lost in translation" moment for good measure! 💌📉
A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.
Commentary:
Beans love a cozy nap! 🌯😴
I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.
Commentary:
I'm sure it's a decent percentage, but hey, that's how I keep life interesting 😂🤔🎉
Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.
Commentary:
When you're doing your best owl impression to boost teacher morale 🦉📚😴
It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.
Commentary:
Wow, we've officially entered the "mystery flavor" zone of life 🍭🕵️♂️🤔
I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm living in the Netflix original series: Procrastination and Chill 📺🍟🛋️
The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.
Commentary:
I guess they should have stuck to the kiddie pool! 🚢🥶😂
Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.
Commentary:
Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost. 🌲👻✨
I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.
Commentary:
Looks like the aliens chose the ultimate reality TV show to binge-watch: Planet Earth, Self-Destruction Edition! 🤖👽🍿