I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too? Posted onMay 19, 2026
3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information. Posted onMay 19, 2026
A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days. Posted onMay 19, 2026
When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right. Posted onMay 19, 2026
It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun. Posted onMay 19, 2026May 19, 2026
Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like. Posted onMay 19, 2026
The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’ Posted onMay 19, 2026
My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food. Posted onMay 19, 2026