Another day of waking up cute instead of wealthy, so I guess I have to go to work. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags. Posted onMay 19, 2026
“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man. Posted onMay 19, 2026
My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical. Posted onMay 19, 2026
He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books. Posted onMay 19, 2026
After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards. Posted onMay 19, 2026
If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder. Posted onMay 19, 2026