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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,961

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Making waves on Facebook:

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Live now on Reddit:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Going viral on X:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

2 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
God must be adding some extra soy sauce to his jokes today 😂🙏🍜

accent, Chinese, Chinese accent, cracking, funny prayer, God, humor, laughter, prayer, praying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

1 month ago
back, bed, dream, dreams, give, humor, motivation, procrastination, sleep
My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

1 month ago
bar, dog, expectations, greet, home, humor, i, impossible, should, wife
I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

1 month ago
attention, humor, ignore, influencer, me, media, online, people, sarcasm, satire, social, social media
You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

1 month ago
bottle, condiment, empty, food, food humor, full, home, house, humor, in-between, ketchup
Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

5 months ago
40s, age, aging, back, back pain, every, flare-up, health, humor, know, middle, middle age, never, pain, random, random pain, time, welcome
This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

1 month ago
bathroom, big, exaggeration, fear, funny story, glass, humor, last, me, night, phobia, postcard, put, spider, story, time

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Morning, me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Going viral on Discord:

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Going viral on Slack:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Seen just now on TikTok:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The only thing I don’t miss about the 90s is people smelling like cigarettes.

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

I love men with a provider fetish.

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Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏