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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Trending via Instagram:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Just shared via Twitch:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Trending via Slack:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Live now on Threads:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

2 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about the frustration of spotting actors acting in a movie scene.

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Commentary:
When your popcorn deserves Best Supporting Actor but the film doesn't 🌽🎬😆

acting, entertainment, hate, humor, i, irony, movie, observation, watching

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52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m at a point in my life where my favorite thing to do is nothing.”

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Happy new fear!

63 shares on YouTube this month:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

46 shares on Facebook this month:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Long shower. Fresh sheets. Hair braided. Lights off. Candle glowing. Room smells incredible. Airplane crash videos on.

Spotted on Threads:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Live now on WeChat:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Spotted on Pinterest:

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Every word wishes it could sound as fun as falafel.

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Activity Log ✨

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Really hate when I’m watching a movie, and I can see that they are acting.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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