That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.